I Had An Axe In My Hand When James Pissed Me Off

A Lesson Learnt About Having Faith In Myself

I had just stepped out of the green metal cargo container with an axe in my hand when James came to me with a smile on his face and said, “I’m teaching today”.

I thought “Why’s this dickhead teaching? He’s not good enough. He is less experienced than me and his skills are worse than mine.”

We were standing in the wood workshop, a small outdoor cooperative space located in the middle of London. The trees and bushes which encircle it make it easy to forget there is a busy London road less than 10 metres away. The co-op members, like me, come and carve wooden objects such as spoons and bowls. The workshop also teaches classes to the public.

Every time I walk through the creaky handmade wooden gate, I instantly become more relaxed. I like the fact that the workshop is outside, the members are friendly and I find carving wood relaxing and satisfying.

But the moment James finished his sentence, I was anything but calm.

I said “Oh, OK” and before saying anything I’d regret I walked away, stepping on the dry wood shaving which covered the workshop floor.

An hour later, one of the directors came into the workshop so I walked up to him and told him I wanted to be trained up to teach. He was more than happy to hear that and told me he would forward the class register list which includes classes I could assist with (and be trained in) later that evening.

It took me a few days to realise I wasn’t pissed at James. Well, I was a bit but I was mainly pissed off at myself.

6 months earlier, I had been approached by a different director who asked if I would be interested in teaching and I said I didn’t think I was good enough. Over the next two months, two different directors asked if I would be interested in teaching a class and when I said I might be interested in the future, they encouraged me to try assisting a class. But again, I passed on the opportunity as I didn’t think I was good enough.

I was annoyed at myself as I had the opportunity to be where James was. The only difference was I lacked faith in myself whereas James didn’t.