The Power of 4 Words

How It Changed a Good Question Into a Terrible Question

Sally, the newcomer to my class, did an awful first attempt. So I told her to try again and reset the timer.

She was attending her first storytelling class, which I was teaching, and was in a breakout room with two experienced students. Before putting the class into breakout rooms, I had given them the exercise for the day: focus on going straight into the action when telling their story. They needed to take turns doing reps, getting a randomly generated prompt and telling a story in one minute. Followed by feedback from the rest of the group.

I knew this was a difficult exercise for a beginner, so I made sure Lisa was partnered with two students to help guide her through the exercises. But I still wanted to make sure she was OK, so after everyone joined their breakout room, I joined Lisa’s group.

Lisa’s first rep was just two half-related facts, no story, and she gave up after 45 seconds.

So I got her to do another rep before anyone gave feedback.

I didn’t want to discourage her, so in the softest and most encouraging voice possible, I said, “OK, Lisa. So I want you to try doing another rep”. I didn’t want to put more pressure on her or overcomplicate it, so I avoided giving any more instructions.

She had watched the experienced students go first, so she knew her rep wasn’t good.

After finishing her rep, I thought, “That was a huge improvement”. She didn’t go straight into the action as the exercise was aimed to do, but she told a story, so it was a much better rep.

I asked the experienced students, “How was the rep?”

And waited for them to highlight how much she had improved and encourage her.

Instead, they told her she didn’t start with the action and suggested she reorganise her story. And the story wasn’t that engaging. Their feedback was technically correct. She did a bad job compared to my instructions at the beginning of the class.

As they spoke, I watched the newcomer's face drain of enthusiasm and her confidence crumble. And I thought “Oh crap”.

The experienced students’ feedback was very objective. What I wanted and the newcomer needed was relative feedback - how good was it compared to her first rep.

So, I knew I had to praise her more than I typically would to help rebuild her confidence.

I pointed out, “You didn’t just up halfway through and you spoke for the entire minute. And this time you told a full story. And it had some nice details”. Her posture started to straighten out. I told her, “This is one of the hardest things to do when telling stories, and it takes time”.

With my praise, she looked happier and more confident.

As the next person started their rep, I thought "How did I screw that up? It's such a simple question."

I realised they answered the question based on how I asked it.

Instead of asking “How was her rep?”, I should have asked “How was her rep … compared to her first?”.

Those 4 additional words would have made so much difference.